For those about to talk some shit, we salute you!

1. I went to Wal-Mart for cocoa (to put in my coffee) about ten minutes ago & hot damn, I hate Wal-Mart & everything about it. I am not returning to Wal-mart unless there is a dire need for deodorant that is approximately .39 cents cheaper than that bought at Smith's. Not only did some little accent-laden woman ask me & the woman in front of me if she could go first because she had 1 thing (I had 4, the woman in front of me had 2) - WHICH, BY THE WAY, IS THE MOST RETARDED THING POSSIBLE. YOU GET IN LINE AT THE END, YOU WAIT - I WOULD NEVER EVEN THINK TO ASK SOMEONE TO CUT IN LINE AT A STORE IF EVERYONE HAD A FEW ITEMS (and she was in no hurry) - but also, the woman we were all waiting behind (in the express line, mind you) had well over 20 items. She had like, fifty. And then she made the woman do two transactions. My. blood. is. boiling. No more Wal-Mart!

2. Yes, IM'ing makes U stupid, because Jesus H, mayne, isn't being stupid the prerequisite for using such well-planned "LOL," "ROFL," etc. etc. this late in the game? Why are people still using that horseshit?

3. I have seriously honed my skills as a bully on the road. Tail-gating, flipping motherfuckers off, honking the horn - the whole deal. I am proud of myself, and I feel we should all look the other way when it's time for my entry into heaven/hell/limbo/driver's ed.

4. I HATE PEOPLE COMING INTO THIS OFFICE AND ASKING FOR DIRECTIONS. We are not on a busy street - we are on a side street. We have no sign outside. And as far as I can tell, nobody knows where anything is, so why would I know where it is. And why don't these people find out where it is before they leave their house? Why don't they keep the yellow pages in their car? Why do I have to email links to online maps, when these idiots could find it themselves? You know what is the worst, though - is that they actually get upset when you don't know where Dr. Hambone's office is, when it's only 3 blocks north SOMEWHERE. Bitches! I ain't hired for my directional skills! This ain't no goddamn information booth at the mall!

Alas, I am going to embrace my inner New Yorker from now on & really give it to people when they're being ridiculously stupid, lazy, or incompetent. And if they are all three - WATCH THE FUCK OUT.

2003-08-21 | 9:00 a.m.

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