- poop in a can
- effortless banjo virtuosity
- 100% stainless steel, full-tang kitchen knives
- a laptop
Apply today!!!
Speaking of Schmeon, we saw Identity last night. If anyone feels the need to see ol' Connie Cobb freak the hell out, hiding her face in her knees, and crumbling popcorn in her clenched fists - take her to a suspenseful movie. She will deliver said-results. (For some reason, I was just reminded of the fact that the "Alias" song - you know, the one that plays in the beginning with the credits - anyway, that song gives me the heebie-jeebies in a way that is best described as the overwhelming feeling to poop and waiting until the very last second. My sister and dad thought that this was very bizarre too - you are not alone, Ms. Presley-Jackson).
Today is going swimmingly - swimmingly, I say! Although the job hunt is suckling at the shit-teat, I scored some free pizza. Unfortunately, I had to pull off assloads of onions, olives, and canadian bacon which has resulted in my stink-o finger, but damn! Free pizza! Whooppeeee! Half of the cheese fell off too! Shit damn! Hog tie that bastard! Woooo-weeee!
(Another letter)
Dear Eliza, I don't know if you actually plan on getting hitched, but some of us really might need to wear a plastic sack instead of a bridesmaid's dress in your wedding due to the lack of employment in this country. Although - you don't have a job either, so that might make the whole wedding one huge plastic sack. Oh thank goodness, I won't be the only one wearing haute couture white film with "Smiths" on my ass. We'll say we're political - deep-sea turtles or something. Love, Colleen.