#2: Hopefully, hopefully, hopefully the Big I will change my life & oil forever! My car needs an oil change so badly, it might as well join the war against Iraq.
#3: What started off as a coughing-up-yellow-gunk day has resulted in a calmer coughing-up-smaller-pieces-of-yellow-gunk sort of day.
#4: Hel-LOOO! It's April Fool's Day!
#5: My stupidass emailed a bunch of art schools in London, all with the lovely, LOVELY name "Olive Butter" written plainly as the reply-to. Olive Butter. OLIVE BUTTER. And then signed with my real name. Goddammit. I look like a retard now.
I used Bath & Body Work's Vanilla body wash this morning, and I'll be damned if I can't still smell it. I smell like a Rice Krispy Treat. It's kind of irritating, but not so bad as say... menudo or something. Ugh. Imagine if Bath & Body Works made a fragrance called menudo. Or, say - just tripe. Or maybe down the line - hamhock, pig's feet, and pickled herring. For seasonal introductions: Thanksgiving Dinner, Goose for Christmas, Haggis for... well, some Scottish holiday. Disaster, people! I'm creating a disaster in my head right now!
The Big I wanted me to tell a little story about a black cat that I met outside his apartment the other night, but I feel it shows my softer side, and that is unacceptable behavior for a stark, raving mad lunatic, obviously navigating hell (also known as UNM). Whatever - I'll tell you all - so I met this wee cat outside his apartment, and of course, we had to become friends because I like soft little animals that talk to me. This cat & I had a little chat (ha! That's french for "cat"!), and I wanted to take her home so badly I couldn't stand it. The little thing was really clean, but skin-skin-skinny. Oh! Poor wee kitty! I wanted to bring her home and have fuzzy little murr schmiddy, but nooooo... I had to leave her, after hanging out with her (I think it was a her?). I mean - for Christ's sake - it was 2AM. I hope she didn't get hit by a car after I left. I'm a softy! I'm sorry! There you go - the insolent fool has a heart, make fun, do a little dance! Softy!
I will admit it: I like Proactiv infomercials. I actually stay up extra-late to watch it. It's sick. I know. Tonight, though! I shan't be watchin' it! Tonight we shall go to see The Music at the Sunshine Theater! (They're playing with the Vines, who I don't necessarily like so much, but I'll try almost anything on for size if it's live) I will imbibe maybe 2 (maybe 3!) beers! This is what happens when your liver starts failing you at 23! Whooppeeee!