* the see-it-everyday-why-oh-god-why tampon. If I see this tampon on Monday, I will light it on fire. I mean, can't they pick it up? It's in front of someone's house - and it's a house full of skanky girls who I'm sure enjoy throwing their dry goods around. Monday? I will light it on fire. I am sooo not kidding, and I'm sure Joey Joe Junior Shabadoo will join me.
* lemon wedge or used condom? Who knows? I'm blind and very, very lazy!
* a man wearing tapered ankle-length jeans, a unibrow, and white Nike Air hightops. He gave me the sexeye, and tried to work it - so ... -9000 points to him. (THAT'S NEGATIVE 9000 PEOPLE. NEGATIVE!)
On the walk to work today, I heard:
* a UNM groundskeeper yelling in Spanish, and he was yelling about how he was from Chihuahua and he needed some water. I was irritated because he acted very smug, as if I did not know what he was saying. Come on, loser - it's New Mexico. We've all picked up some Spanish by this point in our lives - especially things like agua. The topper, though, was that his coworker got exasperated and said, "What?" in English, and the first guy just walked away. Ha! Take that, ye who think ye need to be culturally superior! We don't need no stinking egoistes!
* "What I really need to do is find myself a brand new lover, Somebody real nice to me who doesn't notice all the others, What I really need to do is find a brand new lover..." Ahhh Dead or Alive. After that was "Kung Fu Fighting" but I have no gusto left after this week to really get into 2 bad 80's songs. What am I saying, they're genius! GENIUS!
Oh the walk to work today, I thought:
* about this little auburn-haired chick who tried to hitch her wagon to my, Laura Muffin's, and Eliza's star our freshman year. When she mugged down with the wop, though, she started singing a different tune. Her bodily proportions (not functions, although I'm sure they pissed me off too) always bugged me - too perky. And she looked like an elf. AND SHE WAS ANNOYING AS HELL, I mean - that's what it really boils down to.
* about an ex from highschool in reference to the similarities a lemon wedge and a used condom have and thus, we are each represented by one or the other - I get to be the lemon wedge. Ahhhh yes. High school is so so so dumb.
* how god-forsaken tired I am and how I wish, wish, wish I would be nice to myself for the new year. The big i will still be there tomorrow, Colleen. Quit trying to suck up all of his lifeforce, and your's too.
* then, and only then, did I sit down at the wee desk in the wee dungeon and think about how I might not be up for drinking & canoodling tonight. For some reason the 1/2 bottle of champagne and stiff STIFF colorado bulldog I drank last night (thank you, jim dear) really has not proved to be a prosperous venture at this time. Please consult your directory or directories for assistance.
Well kids - time to slave over purchase orders and dream about the penthouse in the sky & maids to pick up after me. I want to say things like, "Keep the change." If anyone identified that as lines from "Big Business," well - you might just have snorted koolaid as a child too. Off to Neptune Gulch, and I swear - no future talk of the divine Miss M.