2. Put all sorts of limitations and expectations on oneself and then break them all repeatedly. Dieting? Screw it up. Quitting smoking? Buy a pack. No more tom-catting around? Go on a panty-raid to outlast all panty-raids. Y'smell what I'm steppin' in? Cobbs are paradoxical at best. They're also ginormous hypocrites and overall, wishy-washy.
3. Make odd bird noises and scat like a vaudevillian. This will ensure one's place in the weirdness category one so desperately longs to be in.
4. OBSESSIVELY check one's email and MySpace. It is a drug, do not deny it.
5. Mess with one's hair so! much! that it barely resembles a head by the end of the day. Par example: Right now, my hair is the texture of a Brillo pad. But it's the color of pink gold or something. And that's how you win friends and influence people - haircolor alone.
6. Text message like a freak! Do not answer the phone! Forget to call one's parents! Drunk dial everyone in the greater United States!
7. Last but certainly not least, take a job in which one will be reprimanded, heavily, and yet still recognize that this is the most laid-back job one has ever had. And one is still fucking it up.