So. QUIZ. Is she too wild for you? My comments will be in blue italics, my lovelies.
There are few things more stimulating than an uninhibited woman (if by uninhibited, one means easy and intoxicated, then yes), but in the long run, a man has got to know his limitations. As much as he may yearn to get together with a dream girl, if in reality he is not comfortable with the passions of such a woman, the odds of anything substantial coming out of it are slim. But no man should give up on a dream without examining his chances first.(Is it just me, or is the tone set by this quasi-chauvinistic paragraph? Immediately we are lead to believe that the "uninhibited woman" is in, actuality, not independent or strong-willed, but either (a) something that must be contained or (b) another object worth raping with one's eyes.)
Do you have what it takes to hang out with a wild woman? Let's find out. (Jesus Mary.)
1. After one drink too many, super girl leaps on the bar to shake her thang and you:
� Scream: "Yeah! She's with me!" (Score = -1)
� Proceed to slam the guys that're moving in to surround her with a shout of "Show's over!" (Score = 1)
� Hope she remembers she came with you. (Score = 2)
� Plead with her to come down. (Score = 3)
� Finish your drink and get the hell out of there. (Score = 4)
(Ok, the fratitude in response "Scream" is blindingly obvious. It's like neon nylon. Oi. In "Proceed," we get to see that the man is quite possessive. In "Hope," we see a poor little man, castrated by his un-wildness and unwillingness to participate. "Plead" gets this same rap. "Finish" makes the man sound like a ginormous wet blanket, or perhaps, a big pussy. Which one of these is actually acceptable?)
2. Talk of tattoos and piercings has her baring it all. What do you do?
� Lift up your shirt and show her yours. (Score = -1)
� Ask her where she got hers and if you can get a closer look. (Score = 1)
� Keep your judgments to yourself and change the subject. (Score = 2)
� Tell her it's cool, but something you would never do. (Score = 3)
� Ask her if she knew it was permanent. (Score = 4)
(You show me your's, I'll show you mine, right? Are all wild women slutty too? Because it sounds like, so far, this woman that whoever is supposedly going out with is a drunk, and she "bares it all." I ain't got nothin' wrong with that, but there are wilder people out there that don't drink or have tattoos - this just proves my point inside my head that alcohol is the most socially-acceptable vice out there. Ha! And yes, I do realize that this comment has nothing to do, really, with tattoos.)
3. You don't dance, so she shakes it out there on her own. What do you do?
� Take a few lessons and surprise her the next time out. (Score = -1)
� Bite the bullet and get your two left feet out there. (Score = 1)
� Sit back and watch her move. (Score = 2)
� Avoid places where there is dancing. (Score = 3)
� Get her off the floor. (Score = 4)
(The first one is too Ben Stiller. "Bite the bullet" actually sounds feasible, although I have been around some idiots on the dance floor myself, and it's quite a turn-off. "Sit back and watch her move" --> don't get me started. Don't even. Get me. Started. Voyeuristic, sight-spell culture, I can't stand it. It's the "Stop looking at me/Look at me" Naomi Watts/American woman paradox again. "Avoid places" is too manipulative. And "get her off the floor" is sooo Sleeping with the Enemy.)
4. Her outfit this evening is more than revealing. What do you do?
� Give her a big, slow kiss and tell her she looks great. (Score = -1)
� Change plans in favor of something more intimate. (Score = 1)
� Keep her close, making it clear that she is not available. (Score = 2)
� Suggest that she might want to bring a wrap. (Score = 3)
� Ask her to change into something else. (Score = 4)
(Are we all really this transparent? This is the final question - is this how people find out about how to "handle their woman"? This is insane. I can't believe people actually pair off and become "not available." When are you really "not available"? What does that even mean? I despise convention so much, it's ridiculous. It's as though we have all been brain-washed to believe that we are or we aren't open to others, to ourselves, to anything if we are in a relationship, and yet "we" still want one. Deeply, crazily, passionately - we must pair off. Why?)
If you scored:
Zero or less
You are as comfortable with her as you are with yourself. Assuming she is as attracted to you as you are to her, this wild woman is the one for you. Hold on to her if you can.
(Hold on to her if you can. Hold on to her if you can. Hold on to her if you can. If you can, if you can, if you can.)
1-5 points
You are more attracted to her verve than troubled by it. This, in conjunction with maintaining an open mind, could be the difference between a fantasy and real relationship with her.
(I think that, taking this at face-value, someone wild and nutty won't actually have a relationship. A lot of wild people are probably more intrigued by the fantasy of regular life, and their life is charmed because of that. But, I mean, "verve?" Who says that?)
6-11 points
Although you have real problems with some things about her, you probably can ignore them for now. Anything between you will be temporary, but as hot as you allow it to be.
(I have a REAL PROBLEM WITH THIS ONE. I know, I know, I know - you could have guessed that. Ok, so "you have real problems" with her, but just ignore them. That's degrading to the subject - are "men" this shallow? No. I thought there was more of a progression nowadays in the less-simple to more-complex. Men are no longer beer-toting, bellied hang-ups that get married out of obligation, demand sports and hoagies. "Anything will be temporary, but as hot as you allow it to be." I'm sorry, as hot as "you allow" it? I don't think so. It's not right for Miss Wild Thang to "allow it" either. This is why Americans all have issues with control. One person must be in control, one person must be submissive - we get turned on, we get turned off - and I'm guilty of this too. But it's a direct by-product of our social values and indiscretions. UGH. I'm getting pink in the face just thinking about this. Enough.)
12-16 points
Dream all you want, but you two are like oil and water. If there is any mixing � and that's a big if � it will be short-lived and contingent on additional ingredients. Once these are removed, this free spirit will be on her way.
(You can go on, get the hell on, you and yo' mama.)