Ugh. Exhausted with this.

I know, I know, I know... it's an easy target (from http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/wri/68162105.html):

HUSTLER Magazine seeks college writers

HUSTLER Magazine is searching for new writing talent. If you�re a college student (especially a journalism major) and you know how to write, I want to buy your non-fiction article. I�m looking to fill our monthly College Report section. Send your story pitches to [email protected].

To help direct your ideas, here�s what I�m looking for more specifically:

Please send queries only�meaning do not send final or partial pieces, resumes or sample pieces. E-mail pitches are preferred, no attachments please. Send queries for non-fiction article ideas that have a college tie-in somewhere in the story. And yes, I prefer you be a college student or recent grad.

Queries should be short, punchy, creative, descriptive, about 4-5 paragraphs maximum. Sell me on your idea. Hook me with your unique angle & then I make assignments. The writing is almost secondary to the idea. Assignments will usually run about 500 words. I can go up to 1000 if your idea is really hot. Pay is usually $1/word. Pay is upon publication, not on acceptance.

No fiction. No I-got-drunk-&-laid stories. (Everyone gets drunk & laid in college. That�s why we go.) No stories about how many women/men you�ve bedded in your wild college years. If you really feel you must query articles like this, they have to be unusually compelling or scandalous, or worked into an expose about some campus trend & be able to run with photos. No individual university survey stories�meaning don�t interview 50 co-eds on your campus in order to track local opinion stats about sexuality. No column proposal.

Extreme frat/sorority party coverage could work, but it would have to be a story of a single event w/ photos. Please note: The fact that a wild party happened is NOT a story. All stories need a unique hook, a beginning, middle and ending. Dust off your creative writing class notes. All stories need characters�even if that�s you writing first person. All stories need to grab the reader straightaway, have a buildup of dramatic tension, followed by a conclusion. Non-fiction or event coverage is no exception.

Yes, you must name the school & organization. And yes, you must publish using your own name. No pen names. No initials-only names.

An example of a college tie-in story that I recently bought is a 1000-word piece about two environmental studies grads from Middlebury College in Vermont who built a bus that ran off used vegetable oil and set off to drive across the U.S. and Mexico. Their goal: to live green & get laid. Mission accomplished. The story included racy anecdotes & photos.

Also, think visuals. I will need photos/art for every article. No exceptions. Photos don�t have to be lurid or of naked people, but they need to be hi-resolution, well-composed & compelling. We need at least 5-10 usable images to choose from. The photographer (you or someone else) must be willing to grant the magazine one-time use rights. And yes, we�ll pay them too.

I hope this explanation helps get your creative juices flowing. I authentically want to give opportunity (and some cash) to talented young writers. Good luck.

I'm so, so, so fed up with fools that just want to get laid. Get thee to a nunnery, get married to Jesus, claim this land for Spain... when will I not be so bothered by idiots that make some greenpeace van and get down with the thuggish ruggish bone? PS. I so went to college to get drunk and get laid. Pshaw - I'd get drunk & laid without the higher education. (Now I'm just being facetious)

2005-04-13 | 11:09 a.m.

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