Well, little children, all is not lost. Because I have omnipotent powers - or as some in the business like to say - telepathy, I can answer all of these questions immediately. The answer is no, whether or not that correctly answers that question is not my problem. Thank you.
Now, let's talk turkey. I have a bump on the side of my head the size of a pea, and I have been trying to squeeze that motherfucker all morning. This is what happens when one does not have anything to do but email off resumes and hope for some sort of pithy response. Anyway, this bump ain't goin' nowhere - I just made myself bleed & excrete some sort of clear fluid (my mom would say this is "lytic fluid" but lytic fluid is only found in animals. Maybe she was insulting me very, very cleverly.). So what. So what so what so what - I don't have a job, I have a tumor on my head, my car breaks down if you give it the stinkeye, I owe $285 to UNM, and my credit cards are saying that I haven't been enrolled in consumer credit counseling for over a year. So what! So what if I have pooch-belly from laziness, I have to do the dishes, I have to do laundry & clean my room, and Schmeon may bust a hernia from some sort of anxiety regarding an upcoming show! SO WHAT I SAY! So what.
I will rise, riiiise up, from the ashes like a phoenix! Yes I will!
Ahhh forget it. Anyway, I read quite an amusing little article in Nylon magazine yesterday entitled "How I Won the Heart of J.Lo" by Jeffrey Rotter. A highlight, and then an exit:
"Jennifer is mine now. But already I can feel a chill setting in. There are other suitors - I'm sure of it. Even as I lie in bed this morning awaiting the plaintive gurgle of the percolator, thousands of soap bubbles are capering outside our bedroom window. A baby elephant is rising up on a cherry picker. An orchestra is warming up on the roof. Jennifer can be heard cooing in the TV room. She's just discovered the 24-hour cable network Affleck has devoted in her image. I can hear her slippered feet shuffling to the sultry Latin beat of "Waiting for Tonight." I know I'll have to leave her - if only to get some relief from the ceaseless wooing. Then I remember how much she likes polar bears and white orchids."
Nyah nyah nyah!