Baby cuz I'm a thugg... (all day every day)

I am feeling very, very, very overwhelmed at the moment, so I decided that it was due time for an entry (or rather, I'm overwhelmed, let's not do any work!). Not only do I have the most painful cut on my middle finger (which is making typing SO! MUCH! FUN!), I have this 10 to 15 pg. paper due on Saturday which has lead me to not only abandon the gym, but also imbibe huge amounts of junk food. I think I'm finally full after eating an entire bag of popcorn. It's 1 month (TO THE DAY!) until I graduate from this mother, and I'll be damned if I'm more than a little freaked out. Tomorrow I buy my ugly cap & gown (they're silver for Christ's sake and the tassel for fine arts is brown). So, I decided I would have a highly self-important diary entry (what's more self-important than a diary in the first place), as I procrastinate this paper into oblivion!!!!

Here is the scenario, ladies & gents - I'm going to pretend that I'm a wickedly fashionable celebrity, being interviewed for a magazine, such as InStyle or something - well, not really interviewed - it's just one of those uber-glossy pages with a dumped out bag to show us what that celebrity actually uses, or brings out with her, yada yada yada. So for the sake of unbridled cynicism... HERE IT GOES!

What's in your bag? (dumping out a pretty roughed-up black leather Unlisted bag with two pockets in the front, one in the back, and a main compartment):

1 Caring for your Collections by Arthur W. Schultz

1 current alibi

1 burgundy notebook

4 stapled packets from EbscoHost and photocopies from library books

1 Kenneth Cole wallet in black leather with white topstitching

1 pair of Ralph Lauren sunglasses in a case with "Ralph" written like "Red Rum" (almost, I may be lying at this point - it's just written in red)

1 Letter from UNM reminding me to schedule exit-counseling before graduating for the Student Loans

1 Hammermill note paper with Ralph Lauren's HR email address, as well as J. Crew's (desperate, people!)

38 notecards from my PreColumbian Art midterm - there were 100, who knows what happened to the rest of them...

Huge stack of Museum Preservation notes from my presentation and some sheisse that was passed out last class meeting

1 straw wrapper

7 gum wrappers

1 travel-size bottle of ReNu MultiPurpose No Rub Contact Solution

1 Dr. Pepper LipSmacker

$1.46 in change

7 pens (2 Bic Z4's (1 black, 1 green), 1 Zebra Pink Espina, 1 black Bic Atlantis, 1 Zebra Sarasa in Lime Green, 1 Y&C Gel Stylist in Cocoa Brown, 1 blue Pilot Easytouch)

1 Almay Amazing Lasting Concealer in fair

1 anonymous lipstick (is this even mine?)

1 Christian Dior gold logo mirror

1 weird Action watch (it was free)

1 pink SweeTart

1 foil top from Yoplait yogurt

the bottom of a Gobstopper pkg.

1 tampon (not used, you nasty fools!)

1 set of keys

1 Gap beanie in charcoal gray that looks like a big wooly condom when on someone's head

1 artsy-fartsy journal that has since been changed into a class schedule book

1 lid to some breath-freshening drop thingymabobber

I have since thrown away the gum wrappers and other various trashy-trash. I, of course, find this amusing only in the sense that most of those bag things have MAC lip gloss and blotting papers for oily foreheads - and what's in my bag but a bunch of trash and boring museum notes. And now, I have procrastinated enough with this "whats-in-your-wallet"-esque entry, and I must retire to my SHITTY SHITTY BANG BANG of a paper. Hope y'all are drinkin' fer me.

2003-04-17 | 9:22 p.m.

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