1. My mother. Give her a piece of gum & the woman reverts back to her NY roots and starts smacking that sheezy like the end of the world is coming, and all those with gum in their mouth, chewing loudly, will be saved by the Lord or something.
2. Amanda-hug-n-kiss. Also known as Diggy, for her resemblance to the Mole in Winnie the Pooh (which, apparently, is no mole at all. Huh. Who knew.). She could not chew gum to save her life - she'd start it up and next thing you know, she's swallowed it and asking for another piece in an hour. (Upon further pondering, I realized that to swallow one's gum is to succumb to some Neanderthal-type can't-control-myself instinct that pisses me off. What else pisses me off? She used to sing Grease songs as loud as humanly possible on bus-trips. I hate Grease.).
* Holy crap! I used to date this guy. We went to senior prom together, and aren't I proud that he's stirring shit left and right in ol' T to the X. I'm being sincere here!
* I was thinking about Eliza and some of the nutty things she used to do - and I got a real good one, but then I forgot it. I'm sure she hates the subject of this entry, though. Anyway, the main point here is that someone makes popcorn every goddamn day in the breakroom and the stupid smell wafts through to my dungeon. I cannot stand the smell of buttered popcorn for much longer.
I hate Diane Sawyer. I watched that stupid bitch in Turkey the other morning, and she was interviewing some people in a Turkish restaurant. I guess she's on her way to the hotbed of military activity - i.e. Iraq. Anyway, she said something along the lines of, "Aren't you scared of Saddam Hussein?" And the people responded that yes, they were, but they were also scared of the US & their access to Nuclear Weapons. Diane, of course, being a good-ol'-boy's girl just like stupid Barbara Walters (will these people ever learn?), gasped and said, "What?!?" I was infuriated at that point because Diane is a moron who apparently didn't watch the Oprah special on what other countries think of this blasted hellhole.
But I digress, and now I want to talk shit about the Michael Jackson interview. I think it made Joey Joe Junior Shabadoo cry - and when Michael ("Jacko" is a horrible nickname! Just horrible!) climbed up the tree like a spider monkey, I think we both started to cry. What is wrong with that guy??? I love MJ's music - well, Thriller to Dangerous - but that guy is whack. He's seriously crazy. And he looks like this guy that wanted to jump my bones all throughout high school, which just makes it creepy.
* Please don't ruin coffee like this for me. Please?
* "This Day in History" from the History Channel says that the Beatles landed in NYC. Their girlfriends introduced Americans to the miniskirt, or so the Germans would have you believe.
I cannot stand my bangs any longer! These motherfuckers need to grow grow grow immediately! I look like Justine Bateman in Family Ties or something, only with blonde hair, and a different face. And my bangs are longer & more scraggly, like I'm a homeless woman - oh forget all about Justine! Just forget about her! And I don't look like a homeless woman! I look like a 60's ski-bunny! How's that for optimism??? Huh!?!
I think I might have just had a stroke there, about the bangs, so I'm just gonna go calm down. And think about all the booze I won't be imbibing too much of tonight. (Damn Saturday class).