So I am thinking that since it is a cream mask, it will be white, or off white, or maybe even buttercream, hence CREAM. I open the tube and see a real dark ooze coming out of it. I am, to say the least, surprised. The dog cocks his head to the side as he stares at me when I mutter, "What the hell?" I proceed to try it anyway, thinking - well it is a purifying mask, so maybe it's seaweed. I begin to smear the mask on my face! How could this possibly go wrong, you ask? Well - and when I say well, I mean.... Well, the substance is runny, like runny hair dye, and it is dark brown in color. I'm thinking that this is out of the ordinary, but not too - god awful, I suppose. But then, through my nasal-blockage, I get a whiff. This shit smells like - well, WELL.... shit. I instantly am convinced that I am smearing diarrhea on my face, that this was a cruel trick played by my mother who knew I would want to try some $30 mask - and then, suddenly, I come to the conclusion that no, no - maybe my parents have been STORING the dog's diarrhea in order to bring it to the vet. (This is the most improbable solution one would come to at this point, so obviously I take it & run) I am having flashbacks to my grandma and her bad... and I mean baaaadddddd... bowels, and I am freaking out. And here's the silliest part - I decide not that maybe it's the peat in the mask, but rather - maybe the mask is made of excrement & excrement is GOOD for your skin. It must be good for the skin if they're marketing it, I guess. I leave it on. I LEAVE IT ON, THINKING IT IS SHIT. This is ridiculous. I am sitting with it on right now, actually, at 3 in the morning, smelling its sweet sweet stench. Nasty! I am about to wash it off, so we'll see how that goes.
Also, a shot out to my homeboys back in da hood, ma shizzle fa nizzle it's the d - o double gizzle.... If only you could hear my horrid voice right now! Oh, and big i, wee dollface of the night, I had a smashingly good time today! And obviously the dog was not shot in the head when I got here, so all's well that ends well....