1. My CD player was stolen from my office, and my scatterbrain cannot remember the last time I saw it anyway. It could have been missing since November - I never bring CD's (I always forget, which is infuriating in itself) and radios don't work so well in bomb shelters, I guess. So - because of this, and because I didn't want to get into any sort of trouble (the CD player is not really mine, you see; it's property of the bookstore), I wandered around helplessly accusing people who seemed well-listened (as opposed to well-read). After that lost me some friends (which reminds me of those Special K commercials - "I was on that garlic diet - ate garlic all the time - yup, that lost me some friends"), I started thinking about those 3 wiley fellows who came in and took a shower with the Macarena playing or whatever - you know, that incident with the janitors that sounded like I was telling a joke. I do not, in any way, shape, or form, want to point the crook-finger at some janitors. They were very friendly, and they got their hips into it. Thus, the damn thing has been stolen, and I shouldn't give out the stink-eye like it's a concentration camp.
2. I am saying this ONLY ONCE and as a disclaimer because I know surly smelly-crotch Joe will get pissed - but the links on the side are because we only have room for Jello, and no room for cheesecake (agghh! malfunctioning! in a loop!). If anyone wants to read about you, Joey Joe Junior Shabadoo, they can look you up in the profile. Please remove your panties from the anal-pinching position now. I will have no lip from you, sir! And in more ways than one!
3. I am growing frighteningly close in appearance to Brittany Murphy. I am scared, and I feel almost alone, but not so much that I can't think about salty meat again and forget that...
4. I am growing frighteningly close in appearance to Brittany Murphy. I am scared, and I feel almost alone, but not so much that I can't think about salty meat again and forget that...
5. This is the song that never ends! Yes it goes on & on my friend! Some people (pause - kick!) started singing it, not knowing what it was! And they'll continue singing it forever just because.....
6. I am wearing 1 too many bracelets, it's an effort to be highly stylized, I'm sure. But it's altogether too Santa Fe. I feel like I need an SUV, a membership at Wild Oats, and a holier-than-thou attitude. Luckily, though, I can take 1 bracelet off, leaving only 2 - and thus, I can keep my Nissan Sentra, a membership at ... well, I don't belong to anything, so that one is obsolete, and my attitude is still chip-on-the-shoulder instead of holier-than-thou. Wooo!
7. I was reminiscing before I drifted off into sleepy slumber this morning at 4am and I recalled, in a way that I hadn't before, a clump of memories in referral to a young lady I will call Hank (for Eliza to realize who I am talking about). Hank peed in the tent we were staying in (in her backyard) and blamed it on the cat. I spilled nail polish remover all over Hank's vanity that her father had just finished making, and it stripped it of its varnish. Hank taught me about sex. Hank had a swimming pool party and I had a softball game - by the time I got over there, they were skinny-dipping, and I didn't join in for obvious, OBVIOUS reasons (prude! I am a prude!!!!). Hank was called two-tone for a while in high school because the bottom half of her hair was bleached and the top was growing in brown. Hank had a lazy eye in kindergarten & I was the only one who would befriend the patch-eyed girl. Hank started doing the coke later on, and god only knows what happened to her - rehab in Kansas, and a baaaadddd southern accent. I have known Hank for almost 18 years.
8. That said, I would like the big i to think about me saying all of this like moaning myrtle. And now that I think about it - "moaning myrtle" is kind of a kinky name. I'm not going to pigsuit this fucker though, so I'll lay off the kinky kinky toadstool of a name that "moaning myrtle" is. And now that I said "toadstool" - I thought of Mario Bros. and the odd reintroduction of childhood past - care bears, strawberry shortcake - and who are they fooling? WHO ARE THEY FOOLING!? I digress...
9. I am going to make it to #10, I will!
and.......
10. You are damn straight when you say I was late to work today. You are not lying. I was approximately 1 hour late and pulled the diversionary (is that a word?) trick of being pissed off at the fax machine that has replaced my regular phone. Then - the CD player business. Stick with me, jellybeans, and you shall learn how to scam and procrastinate your way to the top!!!
*Time to de-Santa Fe!*